… yes life decisions do have a tendency to do that, don't they? As I strive to improve the sense of balance in my life (and actually get more thesis work done as a consequence), things don't necessarily become any easier, of course. That said, I am reminded once again of what I want to do and why I want to do it. Some hopes and dreams become goals to strive for, some become things to be on the look out for, some simply remain hopes and dreams while I concentrate on other things. But they're still there, just as the desire to create art and the desire to be involved, be active and be online continue to war with my needs to spend time just on my own doing 'me' things outside of those spheres. But what are the hopes and dreams I've been thinking about lately? Many are things I've focused on my whole life, some are becoming nearer all the time (like, hopefully finishing these degrees eventually), while others remain tantalizingly far away.
– Finding a significant other I would like to settle down with who feels the same way about me and who shares enough of the same goals/dreams/etc. that we can make things work (yes this is probably a tad more realistic than the ol' tru luv desire a la Princess Bride, but it's still something that feels far off, unfortunately I guess… oh well). Maybe it's my biological clock talking, or my awareness of so many others in my age demographic who are there already but this desire seems to get stronger as time goes on.
– Finishing school. This desire becomes all the more real the more things from the Alberta Budget come to life. I really want to be done. And the more I think about that, the more I work at being productive and actually getting stuff done (not just thesis stuff, but lots of stuff, really).
– I want to be more financially well off (not that I'm not doing okay as it is, but there's always room for improvement, particularly as I'm a grad student!).
– Having the downtime I want to just DO things. I'm starting to realize just how important that is for my own personal happiness etc. to have time that isn't overscheduled, overbooked, overbusy, and rather just take the time for me and read books, play games, spend time with friends who matter (and frankly I don't do this enough outside of the online sphrere and the 'overbusy' one).
– Dedicating enough of my time and resources to things and causes I care about. Yes doing things for Kiwanis can occasionally be stressful or busy. Yes supporting worthwhile art and community projects can be financially, time, or otherwise taxing.
– I so want an ability to be in two+ places at once (okay I'll admit this will never happen, but all the good things do have a tendency to be scheduled at the same time, darn it! That said, I really do occasionally appreciate the fact that this does force me to re-analyze my priorities and make tough decisions).
– I want a job that I feel passionate about — not just all the volunteer/education/extracurricular things I feel that way about now.
I really did spend a lot of time this year looking at my social relationships, trying to figure out where my headspace is at, and struggling with the aspects of growing up. I'm no less of an imperfect person than any other, in many respects, and I have a long way to go toward hopes and dreams, goals and realities but I'm getting there I hope!