People ask me what my vices are, as if I'm too good to be true, as if my lack of consumption of alcohol or my not having a potty mouth or not drinking coffee or cola is some sort of quality that makes me more angelic than most. Well I'm not.
I figured out this week what the best answer to that question would be, what my vices are. And they're not the vices that people might expect — sure I might have other things that I do that some people might think are wrong, or not socially accepted or whatever by whomever they are… You know I'm not perfect… but the following are the vices that I'm thinking I'm thinking about this time.
— Doing too much. These past few months, especially the past few weeks, I've been feeling more and more burnt out. This doesn't mean that I want to stop doing any of the things that I currently am doing, but rather that I need to work at remembering to take the time to recharge — and more than just every now and again. To a certain degree my procrastination is caused by this. The stress inherent in this is likely part of the reason why I'm not always perfectly happy with life — I can get pretty down pretty easily… and while I figured out long ago that I need to spend time with my friends on a more regular basis than I do if I want to be happy, this is also one of the problems involved.
— Sleep deprivation. I have a bigger sleep deficit than I probably need to have. It's more than just a little annoying, to put it mildly. I don't have the energy reserves I once did.
— Sugar. I simply can't do the sugar thing any more. That's the realization I've been struggling to make this year I think. This summer when I was ill at work it was from lack of eating regularly. Last Thursday I was ill at work because I wasn't eating regularly. My energy levels aren't working out the way they ought to, and because I'm too lazy to cook right all of the time, I need to be more darn careful what I'm putting into my body. I've always craved vegetables and whole grains, but I don't think my body is handling processed food very well at all anymore. I get sugar headaches more and more frequently lately. I've always gotten these when I ate something sweet that was too sweet, or had too much of some sugary concoction, but yesterday I felt like I was getting one from ONE SINGLE Hershey's CHOCOLATE KISS. It's not as bad with anything that has more substance to it, but really it's a problem.
I've always had a good appetite. I've always stayed away from gorging on candy and sweets (case in point, I still have chocolate left from Europe), but this is more than just mildly annoying. The fact that I crave healthy food, and while I can still eat (and do) junk on occasion, I veer away from it and keep it in moderation by nature. And really, fast food of certain types no longer appeals to me as much as it once did.
This scares me though. Because Vegas taught me that white bread, lack of veggies, and fatty foods can be more than just problematic in combination. Because Burger King and Taco Bell taught me of the evils of processed fast food. Because I felt ill last year for having consumed too much processed cheese. Because I can't just do the sugar thing anymore.
But sometimes that's all that's available. And I NEED to eat regularly or I get stomach aches. I always have had stomach aches when I've been hungry.
My former favorite chocolate bar, Crispy Crunch, even in Halloween Treat size, gave me a 'too much sugar' feeling today. And really that tells the tale.
And considering how little I enjoy cooking… this isn't as easy as it otherwise may be.