One of the things I've wanted to do very much is ensure that I am writing more frequently. To this end, I thought I'd type up something less: this is a cool meme, here's a frustration currently happening in my life, or look at me look at me! a.k.a. updates in Ali's life. hopefully these typings become more prolific with time.
(or a very poorly written post on crushes and other random musings, not a post about actual relationships or about anything serious or which worked for any particular period of time)
The first boy that I liked was in kindergarden. My recollections of this time period include show in tell, my lovely Kindergarden teacher (and parent of one of my classmates), playing, a soft colourful block with buckles, shoelaces to tie and whatnot, oh and learning French for the first time (yay for being in French immersion!)… oh and that I was strangely 'in love' with a classmate… you know in the kindergarden kind of way? I dunno that my crush on this boy ended for sometime… but he was a good quality class clown.
In later years, I would become attracted to the intelligent boys, most of which diplayed not one iota of attraction for me, an intelligent girl (well, school-wise anyhow). However, it's not as if I made any moves of my own.
When I hit Junior high school, life was difficult (as it is perhaps always for individuals at that age). Boys, well… they became more complicated perhaps. Certainly immature… they terrorized me, and taunted me. Given that I was… well… in junior high (duh!) this obviously affected me… so there's no way that I would make any moves at that point for fear of well them making my life more horrible. One boy even asked me out, but I *knew* somehow that he was doing this just to tease me, I refused… not because I wasn't attracted, but because I knew it to be a sham.
Then there was the uncomfortable day of teaching a boy to make a lemon meringue pie. I didn't even know HOW to make one of those… but taught him anyway (successfully). That day also included many other uncomfortable moments… like playing with a Ouija board, and playing 'Post Office' (which is actually a board game, and as a word of advice to EVERYONE… if someone you're not attracted to AT ALL suggests playing this board game… it might just be time to leave… and leave fast… either that or to be prepared for the consequences [be they fun or not]). All at his house. Now given that I was more repulsed than attracted to this boy, it is not surprising that when he asked me out later by phone (to the movie Twister) I declined.
I've always had a ton of awesome friends of the opposite sex… some of which I'd develop temporary crushes for… others who were just awesome people (and oftentimes still are). Some crushes are simply irrational. Others I'd spend months (or weeks) convincing myself that they are simply not worth pursuing.
I've asked guys out also… been refused mind you, but I've asked. No harm in that… although it certainly didn't feel fun at the time, even if it wasn't asking them for a real 'date'.
Watching a crush having an akward/unhappy relationship with another person is no fun. Watching them have a good one, is much better, although perhaps not entirely pleasant either.
One day, a relationship will just plain WORK. Until then I'll content myself with the tonnes of stellar friends I currently have. Afterall, friendships are worth every second of time and effort spent on them. At least the ones that are worthwhile are.